Providence Living with Toddler Classes. Harder on Mommy.

My daughter isn’t walking yet. At 15 months (just a few days ago), I guess this isn’t common. Deep breath. Okay. I’m actually  (mostly) okay with that. There are so many things Addie does well. She loves, so much. She hugs everyone she comes into contact with. She’s not shy (except with the girls from the Y, which I’m convinced probably have some sort of demonic mean streak or my daughter would reach out her arms to them instead of cry in short hysterics). Addie hugs every toy she picks up, before she plays with it. It’s like a rite of passage. “Here, let me hug you. MMMM, Loves. Now lets play.” Seems respectful to me.

So, today Addie and I went to her first “Living with Toddler Class,” through Providence Children’s Center. Addie gets to go through the classes for free because she qualifies for services through Providence Children’s Center (an absolutely a.maz.ing program with amazing staff, FYI).

Usually, I’m all for meeting new Moms, new kiddos, learning some skilz…today I was shaking in my booties. I walked in and it probably didn’t help that my daughters nose is running like a faucet (I’m pretty sure that she is teething, although I am also pretty sure that we parents use teething as an excuse for most everything), so I have a few thousand kleenexes in my pocket to gather the residual snot that exits with grandeur at each sneeze.

As I sit down, it becomes evidently clear I am the only new mommy, for, probably 17 years (it feels like.) Usually I love being thrown into new people situations, but today, all the walking kiddos, barely older than Addie, had me petrified. Right or wrong, this is simply how I felt. Perhaps Addie could pick up on my feelings because she clung to my neck tightly and refused to let me stand her on her feet.

I tried to awkwardly make conversations with other Moms, I asked, “So, where did you all deliver, Providence?” (Usually a go to question for Moms, and then you talk about how amazing/or horrible your doc was, totally ridiculous), and they all said, “Yeah.” And that was it. No follow up, nothing. It was intensely awkward, and then they all continued talking.

I don’t personally think I’m the geekiest girl to walk the streets, but this morning was horrible. Moms pulled toys out of my babies mouth (because apparently more mature babies no longer put things in their mouth), and talked about other things that I apparently have no business talking about because as hard as I tried to be included, it. just. wasn’t. happening.

Heres the thing. I don’t really think these mommys did anything wrong….do you know what I really think it was? I’m so ashamed to say this, but I will, in case in some future tense it heals or helps another mommy out there. I was so ashamed of Addie’s abilities I turtled. She had a snotty nose, she couldn’t walk, and I felt like everyone was judging us. To be very completely and totally honest, I do very much think some of the mommies were looking at Addie’s crawling as a weakness. Well, screw them. And shame on me for letting others perceptions of my daughter affect how I think of her. She is absolute-flipping-lutey amazing.

I hate what I stereotypically refer to as “PTA” Moms. I felt like I ran into ten this morning. Since when does your ability to be exclusive make you superior? It doesn’t. Next time, I don’t care if my daughter has a snotty nose and hands you the same toy 20 times, please smile and tell her thank you because she is 15 months, and you’re much, much older.

I’ll be going back to this class next week. Please pray for me:).