I want to change the world…Part time.

I spend a lot of time walking around the loop around the lake where we live. Its begun to take on a Cheers-esque quality. There are the same characters walking around most days, rain or shine, each of them kind of neurotic. Besides people watching, there’s not much else to do but think as we do our loops. Yesterday, as with most days lately, I’ve been thinking about missing work. Being at home with Addie is the best. But I miss working with students, talking with adults (about nondiaper related issues), new things every day.

Tony and I went out to dinner with Addie last night, and as I lamented this to him (not very sensitive on my part, because I’m pretty sure Tony would love to get coffee brought to him in bed each morning and have no bigger stress than, “Which sunglasses should I wear on my walk today?”) Tony pointed out, “Don’t you remember how you couldn’t wait to not work?” Interesting point. Maybe what I remember isn’t as glamorous as what I’m thinking now. I left at a high point, so I’m excited to go back, but I think I’m suffering from the “grass is greener” syndrome.  As usual, one of the many perks of being married to Tony is, when I climb myself up onto a ledge, he’s there to talk me off of it.

I got up early the other morning and left the house at 6:30am for an 8:00 dentist appointment, just so I could sit at Starbucks and people watch. I do miss getting up early in the morning and feeling like you’re part of the buzz of people going out to do something interesting and impactful with your day. What I forget is that while I may be home right now, what I’m doing is interesting and impactful. It’s just on a smaller scale. I wouldn’t give up my time with Addie, but I want to to it all. I explained this conundrum to Tony last night as we talked over dinner, and he said, “We could hire a nanny and you could work part time.” And I told him that, “No, I would like to work, be the one to be home with Addie, defy the time space continuum, and change the world. I just want to do it part time.” I know I’m asking for the impossible. For now, I can be content with walks around the lake, summer barbeques, drinking good coffee (need to find a good Mukilteo coffee shop for this – went to one by the beach, literally worst cup of coffee ever) and reading good books. Oh, and sleep. I’d settle for sleep.